


Flowers Can Mean Death Too, Y’know

by meowy_times



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hanahaki Disease, Happy Ending, I wrote this randomly, Language of Flowers, i dunno, i think
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-11
Updated: 2020-07-11
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:07:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25205221
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meowy_times/pseuds/meowy_times
Summary: Hanahaki disease. Of course. It literally means ‘flower throw up’. Kei starts to read.(i can’t believe i made a mediocre article about a fake disease for this)
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei & Yamaguchi Tadashi
Kudos: 27





	Flowers Can Mean Death Too, Y’know

**Author's Note:**

> ah yes random stuff. yknow sometimes i forget a word exists and then i remember it and it’s like ‘oh shit this word sounds cool’
> 
> lol anyway here ya go

Kei walks to school with Yamaguchi every day. It’s a daily routine for them, where Yamaguchi talks and talks and Kei listens. It’s not usually interrupted by coughing.

“Are you ok Tsukki?”

“Yeah yeah, it’s nothing.” Kei coughs into his hand. Yamaguchi doesn’t look too convinced. 

Class is going though it’s usual motions and Kei is trying his best not to act ‘sick’. It’s just a cough, it can’t do anything to him, He does cough a little bit though. It’s a tiny thing, barely even a cough. It’s more like a huff of air. Not even audible. Still, Kei sees Yamaguchi shooting him a concerned look from across the room. 

*****

When afternoon practice starts, it’s normal. No one talks about Kei’s possible attitude because that just seems like his usual attitude. Kei blocks normally and receives normally and is silently analyzing everything. 

“One touch!” He chokes out after soft blocking Asahi’s spike. His voice sounds weirdly scratchy and he can’t really breathe. He watches as Kageyama takes the opportunity to set the ball to Tanaka, who slams it onto the other side. Kei feels like he doesn’t have the energy to do that now. He can’t slam a ball with that much power. He’s huffing and puffing and he feels the coughs come out of his throat. The team stops to look at him questioningly. He shakes his head.

“It’s just a cold.” Because it is,right? That’s all it is. Right? 

*****

Kei listens to Yamaguchi talk on the way home. He reaches his house first and waves goodbye to his best friend. 

“I’m home.” 

“Welcome back!” his mother chimes from the kitchen. She’s working diligently in the kitchen, cutting up carrots. 

Kei sighs and heads up to his room. He should do his homework, but instead he thinks about what Yamaguchi said today. Kei knows what their dynamic looks like from an outside view. Hinata confronted him once about it. They look like an annoying kid and a big brother who ignores their siblings all the time. But they aren’t like that, they’re friends. Although, Kei does ignore his siblings. 

Anyway, Kei does listen to what Yamaguchi says, he just has nothing to say in the moment. Today Yamaguchi mentioned going to see a new movie, with cars and puppies and something Kei doesn’t remember. He also wanted to go check out this new cafe that opened, it had lots of cakes apparently. 

  
  


Then Kei starts coughing. It’s worse than before and it makes his body shake. Kei knows the walls in this house aren’t the thickest and he hopes his mom can’t hear him right now. Once all that subsides, Kei is left to look at his slightly shaky hands. In his palm, there sits a single white daisy. He stares at it in horror. This isn’t real, it can’t be. He just coughed up a flower. What was this called? Kei remembers Yamaguchi talking about some book he was reading. At the time, Kei thought it was stupid. The book was some dumb lover’s story, but Yamaguchi had seemed so sad telling him about it. Why? 

Kei coughs again. Was it called Hanamaki? No that’s the guy at Aobajōsai. Kei is surprised he remembers the name. Kei gives up thinking and goes to his laptop. He flips it open and types in ‘coughing up flowers disease’ in the search bar. The results load and Kei clicks the first one. 

Hanahaki disease. Of course. It literally means ‘flower throw up’. Kei starts to read. 

_ Hanahaki disease is a disease caused by unrequited love, or more accurately: the belief one’s love is unrequited. It can be life threatening. Symptoms vary, but earlier symptoms include shortness in breath, an aching chest, and more importantly: coughing up flower petals. Later symptoms include coughing up full flowers and blood.  _

Kei looks at the small daisy in his hand. It’s not bloody or anything. Kei continues looking at the article. 

_ The flowers associated with Hanahaki disease are caused by a flower infection, growing in the infected person’s respiratory tract and lungs. Depending on one’s strength of love, the disease and flowers progress faster, resulting in varying degrees of pain. Hanahaki can last anywhere from two weeks to three months before the person may inevitably die.  _

Great. So Kei loves Yamaguchi so much, that he’s able to hack up a full flower already. Granted, daisies can be pretty small. So what’s the cure for this?

_ There are three treatments for Hanahaki disease. The first is the most ideal for patients and families alike. The person who is causing the illness must reciprocate feelings. Simply put, unrequited love becomes requited.  _

_ The second method of treatment is surgery. This may be most effective, but it is the least popular among patients. This is because, while surgery removes the flowers, it also removes all feelings the patient once had for that person. Some patients say that afterwards, they cannot love at all. There are also many instances of patients forgetting the person entirely or having a spotty memory.  _

_ The last treatment is a temporary one. Pruning the flowers will lessen the pain and make feelings less potent. However, this requires many trips to the hospital for repeated operation and is not a good way to fully get rid of the disease. The flowers will grow back faster after being pruned, meaning frequent trips. This is worth it for some though, who do not have their feelings returned and cannot let go entirely. It is a lifeline, walking the tightrope between life and death, love and numbness.  _

_ Now on that note, I would like to add that the types of flowers a person vomits will often represent the type of love they have for their other. It can also represent the person themselves, or just be a favorite flower.  _

What a weird way to end a medical article. Kei looks at the flower again. Does Yamaguchi like daisies? If Kei does have Hanahaki, then he certainly doesn’t want surgery. He doesn’t want to forget Yamaguchi. He doesn’t want to give up movies on Fridays and eating burgers and fries with Yamaguchi, even if it’s unhealthy. Kei coughs more violently this time. Now in his palm, there are small blue petals to accompany the single daisy. 

Kei opens a new tab on his laptop. ‘language of flowers’ he types. The daisy and blue petals must mean something. The article said so. He clicks a list and scrolls a bit. The blue petals look like forget-me-nots. 

Daisies mean innocent and loyal love. Purity. Wow, that represents Yamaguchi amazingly well. Yamaguchi’s first name even means ’loyalty’. What the hell? 

Forget-me-nots stand for true love. Memories. It makes sense considering how long the two boys have known each other. They’re bound to make tons of memories, never to forget. Fitting. 

*****

Kei hardly hears Yamaguchi the next morning. Instead he’s actively ignoring the shorter boy, in hopes his feelings will disappear. There’s no way that’ll happen though. Kei feels like screaming, because he’s so hopelessly in love and it’s actually killing him. 

He stays silent though. Throughout class, he doesn’t talk unless called on and to excuse himself to the bathroom. He doesn’t make a sound otherwise. No coughing, just silence. 

It’s not healthy. Kei can feel the itchiness in his throat and the flowers clawing up his esophagus. He deals with it in the bathroom. He vomits flowers into the toilet, making sure it isn’t obvious when he goes back. There’s not much blood yet, just speckles of it on the petals. That’s a good thing. 

In practice he doesn’t talk. Kei just runs slower, making Kageyama yell at him, and jump lower, making Kageyama yell at him more. Stupid King doesn’t even know what’s going on. No one does. And Kei hopes to keep it that way. 

  
  


Of course it doesn’t stay that way. Kei is laying on his bed, staring at his ceiling. His perfectly normal ceiling. A plain eggshell white and cream color. Except it’s not really normal. There are plastic glow-in-the-dark stars on the ceiling. Yamaguchi got them for him at the 100 yen store. You know, the place where most everything is 100 yen, except it isn’t. Yamaguchi helped him put them up too. That was when they were younger. So other than a bunch of faintly green stars, Kei’s ceiling is normal. Except, there’s a glow-in-the-dark heart, right above Kei’s head. When Yamaguchi got that package of stars, there was a mistake in the packaging. The company also included a rectangular sheet of glow-in-the-dark material. Yamaguchi guessed that they could cut it and he was right. So Yamaguchi cut out a heart shape, stood on Kei’s bed, and stuck it right above Kei’s pillow. So Kei could see it all the time. 

That triggers a coughing fit. It hurts so much. Kei can’t breathe, all he can taste is flowers. The weird sweet flowery taste of flowers and pollen. And also blood. When Kei finally stops, his hands are a mess. They’re bloody and the white daisies are stained pink and the blue petals are sticky. 

Kei’s mother is standing in the doorway. Her eyes are wide and she’s horrified. Kei realizes what she’s seen. 

“It’s nothing mom, really,” he chokes out weakly. 

“Kei…” she whispers, “Kei, honey, what happened?” 

Kei tells his mom everything. About Hanahaki and Yamaguchi, which apparently she knows what he’s on about, and the meaning of flowers. She tells him they need to go to the hospital, the doctor, anything. Kei refuses, maybe out of spite for the illness, maybe out of something else. 

*****

“Tsukki, we should really try that cafe! They have strawberry cake.” Under any other circumstances, Kei would’ve accepted the invitation. But not now, he’s trying to fall out of love with Yamaguchi. A trip to a cafe just sounds like a date. 

Once again in class, he is silent. It’s harder than yesterday, to swallow the flowers back into his throat. This morning he coughed up pink camellia petals, which mean ‘longing for you’. His mom told him to stay home, but he came anyway. 

“Tsukishima-kun.” Huh? Oh, school work and stuff. None of that seemed important to Kei anymore. Not when he’s going to die. 

“Can you answer problem five?” Kei shakes his head mutely. The teacher is surprised, Kei always has the answer. She nods slowly. “Alright…” she goes on to explain the English word ‘pointless’. It feels pretty pointless to try at school right now. 

Yamaguchi isn’t talking during lunch. Instead he’s watching Kei nervously as Kei eats less than usual. Kei doesn’t eat that much anyway. He’s not Hinata. 

“Tsukki…” Yamaguchi looks up with his big doe-like eyes. It makes Kei gag a little, on petals. “Are you ok?” Kei shrugs, not wanting to worry the boy more. 

  
  


In afternoon practice, Kei has so little energy, he might just fall asleep. Breathing hurt, eating hurt, suppressing every urge to cough was exhausting. 

“Hey, Tsukishima! Wanna come practice your spikes with me?” Sugawara grins. Again, under any other circumstances Kei would say yes. Suga is nice and his tosses are good. He shakes his head and moves to the corner of the gym. He sits down, not explaining his actions. Like he could without vomiting flowers. Most people don’t notice. Hinata and Kageyama are too busy being freaks and Noya is rolling around, knocking over Daichi. Only Suga and Yamaguchi see. Tanaka does too and he decides to say something about it, though.

“HEYYYY TSUKISHIMA!!! THIS IS PRACTICE RIGHT NOW SO YOU BETTER  _ PRACTICE _ !!!” He yells loud enough to get everyone’s attention. Okay. So then Kei shouldn’t be here right now, because there’s no way he can, in his condition. 

He stands up and strides towards the door, making use of his long legs to go faster without fully running. He feels the others eyes on his back. Staring at him as he leaves. 

*****

Kei is halfway home by the time someone catches up to him. And it’s Suga. He’s surprised, it’s not Hinata, the speed demon, or Yamaguchi, his best friend. Suga is panting but Kei waits for him. 

“Wow… you sure can go fast when you wanna…” Suga stands up and smiles. Kei eyes him warily. “Look Tsukishima, I don’t know what’s going on right now. Are you sick? You were coughing the other day.” 

Kei doesn’t know how to respond. He opens his mouth to do so, letting his guard down. Coughs start racking his body as the flowers finally get some air. Sugawara jumps back in surprise. Kei thinks about the flower plant growing inside him. It’s more of a bouquet, showing all his feelings clearly, if you look hard enough. 

“Tsukishima… you… have Hanahaki?” It comes out as a question, but it’s more rhetorical than anything. A confirmation. Kei nods, his whole body trembling. “Does anyone else know?” 

“My mom.” Kei croaks. Suga gives him a pitying look that he doesn’t want. “No one else knows.” 

“Are you keeping it a secret?” Suga asks as he starts to gather the bloody flowers. Kei nods again. “Is the person Yamaguchi?” How did Sugawara know? Kei nods anyway. Suga sighs and says, “I’ll help you home, I won’t tell anyone. I’ll tell them that you won’t be coming to practice though… you really should see a doctor if you haven’t.” Kei nods again and lets Sugawara walk with him. 

His mom isn’t home yet and Kei hides in his room. Sugawara says goodbye reluctantly and goes back to practice. Kei feels mildly guilty about dragging Suga home with him. 

  
  


He rolls on his bed uncomfortably. He finds his phone, sitting on the desk and not in his bag. Did he forget to put it in his bag today? He grabs it off the desk and turns it on. He goes in his contacts. Maybe he’ll call someone. Maybe he’ll call Yamaguchi and tell him what’s going on. Yamaguchi deserves to know right? 

He scrolls through the contact list. Hinata… Kageyama… Koganegawa. When did he get these idiots’ numbers? Sawamura… Sugawara. Those make more sense, they’re captain and co-captain after all. Kei keeps scrolling. Why does he have so many contacts? Why does Yamaguchi’s last name start with Y? 

He scrolls to the bottom without finding Yamaguchi. He must’ve missed it. Kei clicks the ‘starred caller’ list and Yamaguchi is the first name there. Of course it is. Yamaguchi calls him the most. 

He moves to click it, but his finger shakes and he ends up clicking the name under it. Tsukishima Akiteru. Ew, Kei does  _ not _ want to call his brother right now. Of course, his mother made him put in all close family members in the starred list. As a quick emergency call list, in case it was ever needed. He debates hanging up but Akiteru picks up on the third ring. 

“Hello? This is Tsukishima.” 

“Hey…” Kei doesn’t want to do this. 

“Kei! Is everything ok? Mom said you got really sick but she wouldn’t give me the details and…” Akiteru was talking really fast, rambling on about whatever their mom said. “...Kei? What’s wrong?” 

“I’m dying.” Kei’s voice sounds choked up.He was never one for dramatics, but this seemed like a dire situation. There’s silence from the other end of the line. 

“From what?” Akiteru’s voice is somber. 

“Hanahaki disease.” 

There’s a gasp from Akiteru. Does he know what it is? Was Kei the only one who was out of the loop? “It’s Tadashi-kun, isn’t it?” Kei hums in agreement. “Oh Kei, I’m sorry.” Kei doesn’t want pity. He hangs up on Akiteru. 

*****

Every day has a new routine now. Wake up, cough. Wander the house, because Kei isn’t allowed at school, coungh. Eat lunch, cough. Ignore Yamaguchi, in hopes of forgetting him, cough. Eat dinner, cough. Try to fall asleep, but inevitably cough. 

Kei is ignoring everyone. Hinata calls too much, it’s honestly a surprise he cares. Kageyama calls, though it’s probably Hinata through a different phone. Sugawara calls, but Kei can’t handle talking to him. And finally, Yamaguchi calls all the time. It’s insufferable and Kei is going crazy. He’s been coughing up full daisy plants and sweet smelling camellias. Well, they would be sweet if they weren’t drenched in blood. 

Kei’s mother is practically begging him to see a doctor. But it’s only been a week, Kei has time. That’s what the article said. Kei has failed to not worry Yamaguchi. Yamaguchi comes to his house to drop off school work and try to talk. But Kei just takes it and slams the door in his face. Kei is mean, he knows that. He hates himself for making Yamaguchi hurt. 

  
  


It happens at night. Kei is woken by the worst coughing fit he’s ever had. He was having a nice dream too. He and Yamaguchi were sitting across from each other in a quaint little cafe, painted mostly pink. Yamaguchi was laughing and Kei was trying to feed Yamaguchi some cake. 

His mom runs into the room. It’s too dark, Kei can’t see anything. He only faintly hears the sounds of footsteps. And then ambulances. 

Kei wakes up in a sterile white bed. The entire room is too white, it hurts his eyes. There’s still the itchy scratchy feeling in his throat, to remind him the flowers are still there. He sits up and all the blood rushes to his head. He groans. He hears doctors talking in the other room. The only reason he can is because the place is too quiet. 

“He should get surgery.” 

“He won’t, he refuses too.” His mother. She sounds so pained, and Kei is the person who caused that. 

“Why not?” Akiteru? Why was he here?

“I think… h-he doesn’t want to forget Tadashi.” 

“It’s understandable to want to keep the infection, however Tsukishima-san has already passed stage four of Hanahaki disease. If he doesn’t remove it soon, his chances of survival will plummet.” An authoritative voice says. 

“His friends can visit today right? Another cure is to have love requited.” What was Akiteru saying? There was no way Yamaguchi loved Kei the same way. It just wouldn’t work. 

The rest of the conversation is something Kei doesn’t want to hear, so he goes to sleep. He deserves it maybe, after coughing all night. He’s exhausted. 

*****

The next time he wakes up, there are more voices in the room. 

“Ooh he’s awake!”

“Shut up dumbass, he’s still sleeping.” 

“No he’s not, look!” 

The voices come in hushed whispers. 

“Wow he looks terrible.”

“No shit Sherlock, he’s sick.” 

Kei sits himself up again and almost falls back at the shock. The entire team is here. Yachi is crying and Kiyoko looks like she’s about to cry. Hinata is watching him like a hawk and Kageyama is muttering something. Tanaka, Noya, and the other second years are wearing various looks of worry. Daichi and the coaches look grim and Asahi looks like he’s just seen a ghost. Sugawara is smiling sadly… and Yamaguchi… Yamaguchi is standing in the corner furthest away from him. 

“Shouldn’t you all be at school?” he croaks. 

Suga smiles and says, “School finished a while ago, it’s 7 pm.” Oh. How long were they here then? Why was Yamaguchi in the corner? 

Kei raises his hand. It shakes as he points to Yamaguchi. Everyone stops talking to look, and Yamaguchi looks like a deer in the headlights. 

Yamaguchi points to himself and Kei nods. Yamaguchi’s face isn’t tear stained but he looks more frightened than Kei has ever seen. Kei smiles and Yamaguchi breaks down. Kei is pretty sure his sobs can be heard for miles. 

  
  


“You- you’re dying… why? Why are you dying? Why do- do you have to leave me here? I’m so selfish… you’re dying and I can only thi- think about what I’m going to do if you’re gone…” Kei stops Yamaguchi there. Because out of everyone he knows, Yamaguchi is the least selfish. 

“I don’t have to.” Yamaguchi stares at him like he’s grown two heads. 

“What but…”

Kei sighs. “I can go through surgery–“ “Do it! You’ll live then!” “–but I’ll forget… all about you.” Why is this so hard? To see Yamaguchi’s face go from hopeful to even more crestfallen than before. 

“I do- don’t want you to forget about me. I’m so mean! You’re dying and I’m not helping because I don’t want you to forget about me! I don’t want you to forget about going to see dinosaur movies with me or sleeping over with me!” Yamaguchi is spilling some secrets here, because no one knows they spend Friday nights together. “I don’t want you to forget my favorite food or color or what I like to eat for breakfast! I- I don’t want you to forget about me…” 

Kei feels his spirit leave his body. He’s the one who did this. It isn’t Yamaguchi’s fault if he doesn’t love him back. So Kei will die and hurt Yamaguchi, or he’ll live and hurt Yamaguchi. He’s trapped. 

“I love you too much… Don’t die Tsukki! You can’t!” Kei’s eyes widen at the first statement. He sees Suga in the background. He doesn’t look surprised. 

“What?”

“I- I love you Tsukki! You can’t die.” 

  
  


Yamaguchi is right. Kei can’t die. Not from Hanahaki at least. Because Yamaguchi loves him. Kei feels more flowers tickle his throat, but when he coughs, he coughs up ash. He keeps coughing the shriveled petals and wilted flowers. Sugawara is grinning and the rest of the team is terrified. Of course Yamaguchi loved him, everyone, everywhere, knew that. Except him of course. 

  
  


_ Hanahaki disease is caused by unrequited love, or more accurately: the belief one’s love is unrequited. _

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoyed! kudos and comments are appreciated.


End file.
